You know what? Forget everything I've said about smoking being a nuisance. Being Chinese Valentine's Day, the five star hotel's restaurant we ate in was packed. Which means: non-smoking section? What non-smoking section? The second-hand smoke translates my runny nose and sore throat into spectacular hacking fits.

(n)

On to other topics.

The Chinese have a phrase, "Shanghai men". There's no "Beijing men" or "Guangzhou women". It's always "Shanghai men". One woman related, "One day I took the bus in Shanghai. It drove past the back doors of residences. Through every back door, I could see a man working in the kitchen preparing dinner. And whenever I pass by the river, I see a row of men doing the laundry." Ah, the joys of female empowerment.

On TV the other day, a reporter from Hong Kong interviewed Beijing's volunteer community patrol. The reporter asked if the volunteers received any subsidies. A volunteer replied, "At first, they cooked green bean soup for us to drink. Now, they probably don't have spare time, so they give us a bag of green beans for us to take home and cook ourselves."

Next time: Suzhou history and Asian insults. Probably.